A momentary sadness…ok, over it
This was obviously a mistake because it is December. Blinking in December means you lose two days. I can’t prove it scientifically, but I know it’s true. My house is a mess, I have a pile of laundry that isn’t doing itself, I have 33 unread blogs (most of them Sparky’s Blog Challenge participants) in my Feedly waiting for my attention, and I’ve not blogged in two days. And if I’m going to get really personal in my confessions, I got out of the shower this morning and realized I forgot to use soap. Though I did use shampoo, and decided that would suffice.
Sometimes my mental hard drive gets full, and sticking my thumb in my ear doesn’t drive anything when that happens.
I’d like to just blame it on the clash between the sheer amount of stuff that suddenly needed to be done and my available time/energy to do it. And there is some level of truth in that.
The larger truth is that I found myself feeling disheartened.
I witnessed people I love expressing their agreement with a leader who condemns an entire people group, a branch of Christianity. I’ve read some of what he has to say, and though he makes some correct observations, his conclusions about those observations just don’t jive.
I feel sad. I feel sad that such a respected leader would take such a divisive position. I feel sad that he would lead others to adopt it, also– especially people for whom I have great respect and affection.
And I feel sad because I consider myself one of the people judged and condemned by this respected leader, and by extension, my friends.
I don’t even know if they realize this about me. I don’t know if they know how drastically I’ve changed positions, or if my testimony would even matter. I’m likely just a project to re-convert. Which isn’t going to happen.
When hungry person finds food, she doesn’t volunteer to return to starving. When a sick person finds healing, she doesn’t return to the poison that made her so ill. When a captive finds freedom, she doesn’t return to her cell to sit in there with the door wide open.
When an orphan finds a real Daddy, she doesn’t run away from home.
I love the life before me. I love my relationship with God and who He is making me to be. I love that He is teaching me to walk with power and vision, and to dream wild things and expect them to come true. I love that He is teaching me that His kingdom is within me…and wants out.
I’m not going to stop loving my friends. It isn’t important to me that we agree. I don’t need their stamp of approval on my life or my belief system. I consider them brothers and sisters and I understand that their new position may put me outside their family, but that doesn’t put them outside mine.
I am free, and free is free.