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Cat 1, Human 0

February 18, 2009

The sofa is big.  The cat is relatively small.  Relative to the sofa, that is.  Relative to other cats, he’s a lummox.  But regardless of that, last night when I went to sit down on the sofa to watch American Idol, Agent Mooshie was parked in the exact spot where I wanted to sit.  Good view of the television.  Arm rest upon which to lean my still feverish self.  Nice red lamp nearby casting a warm glow.  My blankie already in place.

The cat knows how to choose a good seat.

I didn’t feel like trying to lift him.  He’s heavy and doesn’t tend to stay balanced when being lifted due to his twitchy nature, and I was still feeling rather floppy myself.  So I decided to use one of the tactics I’ve seen him use on Calamity.  I sat down in front of him.  And I began to simply scootch my way to where I wanted to be, gradually rooting him out of his spot and firmly planting me in it.  And it worked.  Sorta.

Agent Mooshie sized me up and decided ok, fine…he’d just sit on me.  I don’t think he was looking to sit on my lap, as in share warmth with his human and be relational or anything like that.  He just wanted to sit on me.  I could have been the windowsill or the back of a chair or any other object that looked sturdy enough to hold his hairy butt, not that sturdiness is necessarily a prerequisite for the places he tries to sit.  He climbed on me and parked.

This would have been an ok arrangement if my phone hadn’t started ringing.  The phone was nowhere near me, and so as I started to remove Agent Mooshie so that I could get up and answer it, he decided he did not like this movement business and figured he’d do what any sane cat would do in an earthquake– stick out the claws and hang on for dear life.   Right through my sweatpants and into my leg.  The more I tried to move him, the more frantically he tried to hang on.  When I finally started hollering at him, he switched tactics and began to do some sweet Hanna Barbera cartoon moves where he ran in place for a few moments before actually beginning to move forward.  He used my leg for traction for that, too.  Awesome.

I answered the phone and came back to the sofa to find that Agent Dork Butt had already settled back into my seat and was looking to doze off.  It took all of ten seconds.

I want to know how it is my sweat pants are still intact but my leg is full of holes.  Riddle me that one, batman.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 19, 2009 7:53 am

    I like how you mentioned the red lamp casting a nice glow. I, too, would have noticed such a thing. And I, too, have wondered how a cat can manage to scratch a person to the point of blood without damaging clothing. Interesting. This post deserves a photo of the wounds, by the way.

    • February 19, 2009 8:21 am

      Haha! Like anyone wants to see a photo of my big pasty white leg covered with cat scratches! I could probably get reported for obscenity for that!

      I counted seven puncture wounds and a couple small scratches, and I also have a puncture wound and a scratch on my arm. Guess how thrilled I was when Agent Dork Butt came and plopped down on me again this morning.

  2. March 19, 2009 12:29 am

    LOL Okay I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. I’m at work and trying my hardest not to crack up at that. Where do you come up with these pet names??

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