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Crazy Love

August 21, 2009

I finished Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love: Overwhelmed By A Relentless God a few days ago.  It was quite good, but honestly, it wasn’t what I expected.  It was what I needed more than what I expected.  That’s a good thing, of course.

I’ve read plenty of books that contain incredibly insightful and inspiring writings on how much God loves us.  Let’s face it– a person doesn’t always feel loved.  There are days I have to just tell myself that God loves me, so there, now get over yourself, Lisa.  I have to know it without feeling it.  But sometimes you really just want to feel it, especially on sucky days when it doesn’t seem like anyone loves you at all, and for that matter you’re not so wild about your own company, either.  I thought this was going to be one of those books. 

What this turned out to be was really more of the “get over yourself, Lisa” part.  It was about how awesome God is and how He deserves our passion and devotion, and what that means and what that looks like and how we can ask for Him to stir it up if we don’t have any passion or devotion to hand out.  It wasn’t written in a way that shamed or scolded.  It just motivated a person to lay it all out.

One of the parts of the book I liked best was this big chapter near the end that was about what other people had done or were doing out of passion and devotion to God.  That chapter ROCKED!  All these profiles of people who are making a difference in the world because they serve in the name of Jesus.  And sacrifice in the name of Jesus.  And risk in the name of Jesus.  It was really exciting to read.

Tonight I sat and listened to dreams for my local area.  Ideas about serving the community we live in, and ways our church could take a very active role in that.  I loved the ideas I heard.  Over and over again I thought “awesome!”…”awesome!”…”awesome!”…  And yet, I walked away a little frustrated and bewildered.  I love those dreams…I think the church should be doing stuff like that.  And I like participating in practical things like that, too.  But…they aren’t my dreams.  My dreams, as scattered and unformed as they are, don’t fit into the sort of practical plans my church is dreaming.  And I wonder…am I supposed to just work to make the dreams of others happen?  If I do that, I’d be doing a good thing.  But…what about my scattered and unformed dreams?  Did I just make them up?  Did God give them to me?  If I serve the dreams of others, am I letting something go undone that He wants done?  And if my dreams don’t fit into my church, where do they fit in?  Does anyone else have dreams like this, or is it only me?

Sometimes I feel like the round world’s squarest peg.

 At the end of the day my consistent conclusion is that my love isn’t crazy enough and it’s not really a very good love anyway.  I don’t love as well as I want to.  I’m not as sold out as I want to be.  I don’t burn as hot as I want to burn.  I don’t shine as bright as I want to shine.  There are depths of Freakdom that I’ve not yet plumbed, and I’m not satisfied knowing that.  I hope I never am.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Jen permalink
    August 22, 2009 6:00 pm

    Loved and was challenged by the book too. I’m using it for my student group on campus for the fall semester…can’t wait to see how God works!

  2. August 26, 2009 10:41 am

    This sounds like a book I will have to add to my collection! I used to have a book called “Love Letters from God” that I used every day. It was filled with love scriptures…scriptures that totally declared God’s love for me (and you)…I think I’ll blog about this book…you’ve inspired me, Lisa!

    Believe me, you’re not the only Square peg in a round world! Man…I was just thinking this morning about why I just couldn’t follow the crowd like so many others…why am I such an independent thinker….it would make life a whole lot easier if I just “went along” but I can’t.

  3. August 26, 2009 3:51 pm

    However, like you, my dreams are not fully clear in my head. I guess, like our sanctification is a life-process, so are our dreams. The important part is to follow God’s heart…and even when the dreams aren’t totally clear…we know that God sees the end result and we can trust that!

    • August 26, 2009 7:59 pm

      I wouldn’t say my dreams are fully clear. I wouldn’t say that at all! If they were, I would be dreaming with Lisa, not dreaming with God. I don’t want Lisa-sized dreams. I want God-sized dreams!

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