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Neveh pwess the wed one

September 17, 2009
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I just noticed a little row of buttons on the front of my computer monitor.

We’ve had this monitor how many years?   I only ever noticed the one with the little blue light that tells me that it’s on.  How did I miss five other buttons all this time?

I want to push them.  But the monitor is a Samsung and may have some sort of dormant Korean terrorist code that is just waiting for some hapless dimwit to start pushing buttons willy-nilly to begin executing it.

The first button says menu.  What kind of menu could a monitor have?  What is there besides on and off?  And isn’t that what the little blue button is for?  Or could it mean menu, as in I push the button and suddenly a waiter appears and wants to take my order?  A basket of fish and chips sounds good.

Who in their right mind would want a basket of fish and chips at 11:30pm?  With tartar sauce and ketchup, please.

The next button has half a pie and an upside down triangle.  I am not sure what kind of pie it is.  Perhaps this button is for the dessert menu.  I like pie.  And white pie means either whipped cream or meringue.  I like both whipped cream and meringue.

The next button has a right-side up triangle and a sun.  Except everyone knows the sun doesn’t really look like that.  That’s just the way five year olds draw the sun, with a circle and a bunch of little spikes sticking out of it.  This button must be for rainy days, when you need to turn up the sun.  Except I like rainy days.

I don’t think I’ll be using that button much.

I have no clue what the next button is. It look like a little sideways rootbeer barrel with a white bent arrow in it.  OHHH– wait.  Drink menu.  Duh.

The next button says “AUTO” on it.  AUTO what?  AUTO mechanic?  AUTO air freshener? AUTO Mr. Roboto?  They should be more specific.

Then there’s the little blue button, the one I know and love.  Even though it has never brought me fish and chips in all the time I’ve had it.

Maybe I should branch out a bit.  Sure, there’s that risk of terrorism, but ya gotta live life on the edge sometimes.  And besides, those South Koreans are generally a pretty friendly lot.

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