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The ants go marching one by one

September 7, 2011

A while ago I sat down to read my email.  As I did so, I glanced towards the window to my left and was horrified to see a line of ants marching across the window sill.  We’re talking a double-wide window.  That’s a lot of ants.  Then I looked and saw that they were coming down the side of the window.

I glanced up.  Yup…there they were, marching across the header for the vertical blinds.

I glanced down.  Sure enough, there was a line of them snaking from the edge of the window sill to the floor.  I couldn’t see where they were going after that.  Under the floor trim?  Into the carpet?

Ew.

I mean, seriously…EW.

Mostly they were those tiny little sugar ants that plague my kitchen no matter what I do.  Some of them were slightly larger and winged.  I googled to see if they were ants or termites, but they were too small to see if they had cinched waists or bent antennae.   And honestly, at that point I just wanted them to die no matter what they were.

I ran to the garage to get the ant spray.  I hate using insecticides, particularly indoors, but this definitely called for chemical warfare.  I was pleased to find I had a nearly full can, and reminded myself that this job didn’t require that I use all of it no matter how dead I wanted those ants to be.

Deader is better.  Just sayin’.

I took aim and fired.  Nothing happened.  I pushed harder.  Nope.  I fiddled with the nozzle.  No dice.  Almost full can of ant spray and no way to spray it.  This called for an immediate trip to Walmart.

A half hour later I was back with a full can of ant spray and some ant bait traps.  I don’t know why I bother to buy those things.  I’ve NEVER seen an ant go in one, even though the box promises that there is a tiny buffet of ant delicacies inside.    They just march around them, as if they are the statue in the center of a roundabout.

This time I took aim and sprayed, dancing around and yelling “DIE YOU GRAVY SUCKING PIGS!”.  Ok, so the last two things I was only doing in my mind.  I was bouncing a bit, though.  I think.

Anyway, dem bugz iz daid now.  Very daid.  And my house is full of the lovely fragrance of this-isn’t-bug-spray-it’s-really-air-freshener scent ant killer, which to ants, is the smell of doom and death.

I think I kinda like it.

 

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