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When even the fumes are gone…

September 19, 2013

In the middle of the noise and the chaos, the pressure and the pain and the relentless demands, it becomes evident that there is no escape.  Nor is there a volume button; it’s just stuck on loud.  This, like it or not, is life in this moment.

I realize my tank is empty, and I’ve got nothing left for this.

And it is that same moment that I am reminded that desperation can make a person forget their manners.

I need You to be more than a nice theory right now.  I need You to show up and do whatever it is that will make me able to bear this with grace, because I’m tired and in pain and completely overwhelmed.  A nice theory doesn’t cut it.  I need REAL help.

I might have said please.  But…it’s possible I forgot.

A light did not shine down from heaven and no angel choruses  sang.  I did not get a sudden rush of energy and clarity. I didn’t even stop feeling overwhelmed.

But I did survive.

And I did remember to say thank you.


3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 20, 2013 2:14 am

    This must be such a difficult time. I value my privacy so much, and have grown used to a certain amount of quietness. I can only imagine the confusion and lack of peace that somedays hold for you right now. But you are very kind and generous to offer your home at this time. I forgot how long you said this will go on. Somehow try to carve out some time to yourself in your own room away from the chaos. I know that is easier said than done. My prayers and thoughts are with you. And you are definitely a survivor.

  2. September 20, 2013 10:14 am

    Reminds me of this verse: “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice!” It’s meant the most to me when the very last thing I wanted to do was rejoice. Yet when I did with teeth gritted, there was a peace, even just a small one, beyond myself. Know he’s holding you close.

  3. September 20, 2013 4:54 pm

    He alone knows the anguish of your heart. And He loves that you remembered to say thank you, even when you didn’t feel like it. I am holding you up before our Papa….and I know it is His delight to run to you!

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