Yes and amen
These things are important to me. I don’t like to assume. I don’t like to guess. If there are limits, I want to know what they are, and I want to know the cost of going past them. If there are no limits, I want to know that, too.
I am not chomping at the bit to be in charge. Group dynamics are often difficult for me because I do not like to compete to be heard, and I want to know clearly who the leader is– not just who hollered loudest and declared themselves king. I am glad to let you lead if you’re really in charge. But if it’s my doghouse, I will bark, and without hesitation. I may not be choleric, but I am intensely, well…intense. I just need permission to be the leader or the led. I’ll do either…I just need to know where my permissions are oriented.
In my heart there are permissions I’ve longed for, but haven’t known how to get. I’ve tried to forge ahead anyway but without permission I end up getting distracted looking for the edges of the universe, because nobody told me how far I could take this thing. And today, it just took someone with authority pointing out his authority and saying what I needed to hear:
This is who you are. You HAVE permission.
And there it was. Permission to believe crazy things. Permission to do the impossible. Permission to be unconventional. Permission to be unrestrained. All those things I’d been trying to do, I suddenly had clear, undeniable permission to do.
A directive, in fact.
Jesus said that those who believed would do greater things than He did. I believe, but I’m nowhere near His level when it comes to doing “great things”, let alone greater things.
Maybe I need more belief. I am certain I do.
But maybe I needed someone to tell me some wild stories and then hold up a mirror and remind me that there is something, Someone untamable in me…as a firehose of kerosene gets aimed at my little flame.
Wildfire. May it never be truly contained.