I can’t stop yawning.
With every yawn my eyes water. I slip off the glasses I wish I didn’t need and wipe my eyes and all is well…for about 30 seconds, when I yawn again.
And my screen is still blank, the cursor blinking at me and reminding me why it’s called that.
I reckon it’s hard to understand if you don’t have a grid for it. But when you’re a creative and creativity takes a nosedive, and you find yourself unable to muster up the creative energy to accomplish even small things, it affects everything.
I struggle to figure out what to wear. Little sounds really good to eat. I lose track of what I’m doing even in the context of simple tasks, like taking a shower or loading the dishwasher.
And blogging? Mercy.
I have some notes in my phone, quick jots to remind me of potential blog post material. It was a good idea to start doing that because I often think of an idea and then forget it by the time I can actually sit down to the blank screen and focus. But ideas don’t translate to actual posts if your creative energy has drained out of you and gone MIA. I look at those notes now and my brain can’t seem to form a moderately coherent sentence concerning the material, let alone a thoughtful, well-crafted one.
It’s hard when something that is a hallmark of my me-ness goes missing, something God put in me that shapes my worldview and my expression. I miss it. Life isn’t much fun without it.
Maybe that’s why the watery yawn-fest.