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Gone missing

May 11, 2014

I can’t stop yawning.

With every yawn my eyes water.  I slip off the glasses I wish I didn’t need and wipe my eyes and all is well…for about 30 seconds, when I yawn again.

And my screen is still blank, the cursor blinking at me and reminding me why it’s called that.

I reckon it’s hard to understand if you don’t have a grid for it.  But when you’re a creative and creativity takes a nosedive, and you find yourself unable to muster up the creative energy to accomplish even small things, it affects everything.

Everything.

I struggle to figure out what to wear.  Little sounds really good to eat.  I lose track of what I’m doing even in the context of simple tasks, like taking a shower or loading the dishwasher.

And blogging?  Mercy.

I have some notes in my phone, quick jots to remind me of potential blog post material.  It was a good idea to start doing that because I often think of an idea and then forget it by the time I can actually sit down to the blank screen and focus.  But ideas don’t translate to actual posts if your creative energy has drained out of you and gone MIA.  I look at those notes now and my brain can’t seem to form a moderately coherent sentence concerning the material, let alone a thoughtful, well-crafted one.

It’s hard when something that is a hallmark of my me-ness goes missing, something God put in me that shapes my worldview and my expression.  I miss it.  Life isn’t much fun without it.

Maybe that’s why the watery yawn-fest.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Sandy Sholar permalink
    May 11, 2014 11:49 pm

    Wow….I’ve felt this way for 7 months! It Sucks. I want my “me – ness” back. Here’s hoping yours returns soon!

  2. May 13, 2014 8:07 am

    When you’re creativity goes AWOL, it does feel like a massive void. Nothing is … right. Less colorful and musical and whimsical and painful and real. It always passes. It always does.

    • May 13, 2014 8:32 am

      I am counting on it, Cristy. I don’t know whose brain I’m actually living with right now, but I want mine back. It’s not like this one can do math or multitask any better than the old wild one did.

  3. May 13, 2014 8:22 am

    I know what you mean. I’ve had the same experience — but it’s been so long ago, I can’t remember exactly when it was. I’m thinking it was three years ago but it may have been 4 year.

    One question: Are you getting enough fresh air? That’s what got me going again anyway.

    • May 13, 2014 8:33 am

      Yes, but the heat and humidity factors are about to drive me into the annual season of running from one air conditioned place to another! Yuck!

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