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Maybe next year

August 11, 2014

I am generally a pretty practical person.  This can work against me in the creativity department.  But in general, it means I prefer to work smarter, not harder, and I don’t care to spend a lot of extended time fussing about things that are sentimental or emotional in nature.  Change happens, so it’s best to just flex with it and learn how to develop a new normal quickly.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was feeling a bit sad.  I feel sad because I’m missing the Voice of the Apostles conference in Orlando this year.

The practical side of me says “listen, you’ve got Brazil looming ahead.  It’s not like you don’t have something awesome to look forward to.”  And “it is what it is.  You’re best to just move on.”  And “you knew from the git-go that there was an excellent chance this wouldn’t fly.  It’s not like you’re surprised.”

These things are true.

But I remember that atmosphere last year.

I remember showing up to a breakout session with Jamie Galloway, and within five minutes I knew I would be rearranging the rest of my week to attend anything he was teaching.

I remember my foot and knee screeching in pain but I didn’t care, I wouldn’t stop dancing because Georgian Banov was getting happy with his violin, and when Georgian gets happy with his violin, you just have to dance.

I remember the sweet comfort of knowing beyond any doubt that it was impossible to be the weirdest or most intense person at the conference.

I remember the boost in focus and creativity I had just from being in that place with those people.

I remember the joy of the deep freedom in worship there.  When you’re in a room with a few thousand other people whose hearts are free in their worship, it shifts something in the atmosphere.  Unified freedom in the presence of God is heady stuff.

I remember feeling like I was home.

That’s a pretty glorious feeling.

When I cancelled my hotel reservation two weeks ago I listed all the reasons to myself why it was better that it worked out this way.  Like…it’s a lot of expense right before heading to Brazil, after all.  And we’re shorthanded at the store…my coworkers would be glad to have me on the schedule.  And if I skip a year, maybe I could go next year and I’d probably appreciate it more because I missed this year.

I think I was stretching on that last one.

I really am ok that I am not there.  Nobody ever died from feeling a little sad.  And I am trusting that God has something better for me here, something that wouldn’t have happened if I’d been there.

I wonder what it is?



2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 11, 2014 5:59 am

    well.. one thing that wouldn’t have happened is you wouldn’t have written this post. :o) Haha

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