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So fresh and so clean

August 16, 2014

It’s nice to have options in life, but there can be such a thing as too many options.

Take toothpaste, for instance.  When Mr. Sparky puts it on the list, I tremble in dread.  There are just too many ways to get it wrong.

Fresh mint, clean mint, sparkling mint, extreme mint, whitening, with scope, complete, gel, paste, paste with gel stripes, paste with whitening stripes, gel with sparkles, stain removal…it’s ridiculous how many varieties of toothpaste there are within even ONE brand.

I don’t really struggle too much to pick out my own toothpaste.  I know what I like.

Antiperspirant is a whole ‘nother game, however.  And it was on my list today.

I already knew my favorite kind was discontinued.  This is a bummer because it smelled nice, left no white marks on my dark clothes, and it worked well.  The last time I bought antiperspirant I took a gamble within the same brand and hoped it would do as well.

Uh, no.  It works ok enough but it leaves white marks and smells entirely too strong and perfumey.  I am frugal and since I bought the thing I made myself use it in spite of the fact that I didn’t care for it.  I’m glad it’s finally time to choose another.  The stick is getting low, and I’m going to need a fresh one for my trip to Brazil.

But let me show you what it’s like to choose a new antiperspirant:

Yup.  The whole anti-stinkin' aisle.

Yup. The whole anti-stinkin’ aisle.

It’s nuts.  And listen…I tried going crunchy because I really would rather not put aluminum in my armpits, but I just couldn’t make it work for me.  So I have to face this monster of an aisle. And somehow not melt down from Option Overload.

And who comes up with these scents?

What the heck does "Sexy Intrigue" smell like?


What the heck does “Sexy Intrigue” smell like, and why would I want to scent my armpits with it?  It seems to me that if you want to smell like intrigue, you’d really want it to be somewhere…um….sexier than your armpits.

And check out this one:

Sweet and dainty.

Sweet and dainty.

Isn’t that just precious?  I didn’t sniff it, but if the 1950s had a smell, I bet it would be this.  This just smacks of vacuuming in high heels and pearls.

Are you seeing what I’m saying here?  The anti-stink folks do NOT make this easy.

But sometimes when you’re smack dab in the middle of the sea of choices and you think you’re about to drown, God throws you a lifesaver.

This morning I was standing in front of the antiperspirant shelves, agonizing over all the potential choices.  After some sniffing and debating, I picked one up, unsure if I loved it, but hey—there was a .50 cent off coupon for it, so at least it was somewhat of a bargain.

And suddenly a young woman appeared at my elbow.

“Do you use Secret?  Because I have this $2.00 off coupon, and you can have it.  I really like Secret.  It actually lasts two days for me.”

I swear, women will talk about anything anywhere, especially if there aren’t any men around to witness it.

I took the coupon rather tentatively. “I used to use Secret all the time, but then I switched because I really need a non-marking formula,” I told her.

“They make them,” she answered.  “You just have to find the clear bottles, and it will say “no white marks” on the label.  See, there’s one!” she said, pointing at a shelf.

My eyes followed her finger.

Yes, it says what you think it says.

Yes, it says what you think it says.

I stared for a moment.  And then I picked it up and put it in my basket.

Really…who needs a clearer sign than that?



7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 16, 2014 12:23 pm

    It was already the most intriguing (and funny) article; but I about fell over at the last sight! “Lord, I need as clear a sign!”

  2. Kellie Capps permalink
    August 16, 2014 7:54 pm

    Hahahahahaha… Good, clear sign! Love it! But I have to ask – “Was the Degree Rain your favorite???” It was mine, so I just ordered SEVERAL off Amazon! It’s the only one I really like that worked with my body chemistry.

    • August 16, 2014 8:00 pm

      I’m trying to remember…it might have been? It was one that advertised itself as the one for little black dresses, right on the label. And I tend to like fresh, clean smells, so rain would be right up that alley.

  3. August 18, 2014 12:00 am

    Lisa, did you block me from commenting on your blogs? It isn’t allowing me to comment anymore.


    • August 18, 2014 12:10 am

      No! This is the first comment I’ve seen in a while…I’ve been wondering where you’ve been! What’s it doing that it won’t let you comment? I’ve actually never blocked anyone before…and I certainly wouldn’t start with you!

    • August 18, 2014 12:11 am

      You haven’t shown up in my spam folder, either. I keep that thing cleaned out because for a while it was eating real comments.

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