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Recalibration

August 25, 2014

It started out like any other Sunday morning.  It seemed ordinary enough at the time, but I suppose that’s true of most moments in life.  Everything is ordinary until it’s not.

I joined the gathering and I stood with everyone else, singing along with the music, offering praise to My Favorite.  Then we changed to a different song, and the worship continued.

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me…

And suddenly, I felt the air around me shift.  I stopped singing.

It felt important to just be in that moment, and wait quietly.  And so I did.

In death, in life, I’m confident and covered by the power of Your great love,

My debt is paid, there’s nothing that can separate my heart from Your great love…

I thought about those words.

And then…the Voice broke in.

You confuse the power of love with the ability of love.

My mind stuttered a little upon hearing those words.  I’d never even thought about this concept before, that there was a difference.

I began to process it.  Love is a power, that much I knew.  Love can heal wounds, rescue the lost, deliver the oppressed, restore the broken, provide for the empty…

Well, shoot.  Yeah…that’s all about the ability of love.  Suddenly I understood that the ability of love is an expression of the power of love, but not the totality of it.  So just in case I questioned whether or not He was right…

“So what exactly is the power of love?” I asked Him.  “I want to know.  I want to understand.”

As I stood, I became aware that something was swirling around me.  I was starting to feel really strange and more than a little wobbly.  And then, the Voice again.

We can do this however you’d like.  You can yield, or you can keep trying to stand.

There was no condemnation attached to the choice.  It was a real choice, and I know He spoke it to my heart carefully and on purpose.  He knows how much I want to live yielded to Him,  but I also want to able to bear up under significant measures of His presence.  I need to be able to bear up under significant measures of His presence in order to do the things He’s called me to do.  But I don’t want to do so at the expense of yielding to Him.

He spoke it again.  You can yield, or you can keep trying to stand.  This time I heard the better choice within the question.

It only took me a couple of moments to be face down on the floor.  My heart, my questions pouring out as the music took on a new weight.  And then the Presence added His own weight.

He didn’t answer my questions.  But neither did He leave.  He stayed and I lost track of time.

I’m not sure what made me think I could have stood under that weight.  I couldn’t even lay flat on the floor under it.  I shook like crazy and couldn’t stop.  I shook inside, I shook outside.

But still I heard nothing.

I am not sure how long I was down there.  I think it was probably a good while.  The music was over and had been.  When I finally got up, I felt completely wrung out.  I also felt…retuned?  Recalibrated?  I felt like something inside me wasn’t receiving in the same way it had before.

It’s a rather raw feeling, really, and a little electric.  As if I might rip out of my skin any moment.  As if I might spill out of myself.  I’d almost describe it as painful but that’s not quite the right word.  I think it’s just that it’s more alive than I know how to bear, and that leaves me more than a little undone.

I still don’t understand love as a power and what that means beyond love’s ability.  I know I’ve been operating under a much higher revelation of the love of God over the past years, but I’ve obviously got a lot of room for expansion.  I want to grasp it, carry it, embody it.

And I want to live completely yielded to it.

 

 

 

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Mr. Sparky permalink
    August 25, 2014 5:35 am

    wow. Good. Really good! There’s a lot to chew on there. Will you re-post when He reveals more about power versus ability? It sounds like He’s preparing you for Brazil.

    • August 25, 2014 10:20 am

      Yes. I suspect this will be an ongoing theme for a while. :)

  2. August 25, 2014 12:53 pm

    I like this theme!!!

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