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Beyond Wonderland

April 29, 2015

In an instant I knew something was wrong.

I turned and saw her face, the uncertainty in her eyes, and I opened my mouth and frantically began calling out to alert someone, anyone…

…and then I woke up.

Try as I might, the dream was gone.  I knew in the moment before I woke up I was fighting, but in the moment after I woke up I could not remember whom, or why, or even one other fact about the dream.

I laid there with my heart pounding.  Something about that dream was real.  I just had no idea what.  I still don’t.

It feels like falling into madness sometimes, this business of straddling the realities of flesh and spirit.  The flashes of seeing the invisible, hearing the inaudible, of knowing what I have no natural way of knowing.  Of being fully awake when I’m asleep, and plumbing the depths of sleep while I’m awake.

I cannot explain these things to you.  They exist beyond reason and the laws of physics.  They are glorious and sometimes terrifying.

This is the red pill, the rabbit hole.  Once you’ve seen, you cannot unsee.  It will change you forever.

Let it be so.


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