This ain’t no Six Flags
I gotta tell ya, it’s been a few of months of the crazy.
I left my retail job in early June, after six years at da panty sto’. In late June we were finally led to a new church home, after a year and a half of home-churching and “shopping”. Life rolled at breakneck speed through the summer, and in late August my life was turned upside down and I spent nine days in the hospital. Three weeks after I left the hospital I had my feet on the ground in Brazil for a ministry trip with Randy Clark and Global Awakening, and three weeks after that I was back in Florida, trying to block out the chaos of an increasingly vicious political climate ramping up to the impending elections.
I won’t lie…about every ten minutes I feel like I’ve got whiplash. I no sooner get my feet back under me again, take a deep breath, and the ground beneath my feet takes a hard lurch to the right.
It’s a lot to process in a short period of time. What does it mean for me to no longer be working the job that brought both blessing and inconvenience for six years of my life? What does it mean to have a new church home and to be the new kid on the block in a new church family, still unsure where or how I fit? What does it mean to now live life with a scar over a little computer implanted in my chest that is in charge of jolting me if my electrical wiring starts doing a bad boogie (I’m praying it remains underutilized…as in never!)? What does it mean for this capable, independent person to be dependent on others for transportation anywhere and everywhere…and to not know for certain if I’ll be released to drive again? What does it mean to have even more pieces of my heart strung across Brazil as I’m praying that my spiritual investments there will bear lasting, transforming fruit, and what does it mean to have my heart broken by some of what I experienced while I was in that beautiful country? What does it mean to live in a nation that has left me uneasy about every possible option for new governmental leadership?
I’m not saying I feel anxious over these things, although sometimes they’re really hard. It was late December of last year when He started talking to me about doing a new thing. Isaiah 43:19 nipped at my heels like a sheepdog. I keep wondering if this is really what He meant, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. He can leverage this or anything else for my good and His glory. I don’t have to be comfortable with it for it to be good.
This is where I am so deeply grateful for the past years where He has taught me that His presence isn’t something to achieve, but something that’s always with me, waiting to be called up to tangible reality wherever I am. I needed it in that hospital room. I needed it in Brazil. I need it anytime I give two seconds’ worth of attention to any kind of media, social or conventional.
His presence is key to everything. It ushers in the kingdom. It manifests His power. It transforms atmospheres. It holds us in perfect peace when the world has gone maniacally crazy. I think one of the most amazing things I’ve learned is that because He is always in me, I can quiet myself and become aware of Him in an instant, without working myself into it. I have the potential to be held in the power of His presence at any moment…and when I’m held there, those around me sense that I’m carrying something unusual…even the people who have never met Him. Oh, that I would remember this every moment of every day!
So yeah…it’s been a few months of the crazy. I wouldn’t have purposefully chosen it, but it’s what I’ve got, and He’s been present in it all, and He’s shown me that it’s worth the battle to be present to His presence. Even in the crazy, because He’s there, too.
Might need Jesus to get me a neck brace and some Dramamine, though, at least until the crazy decides to chill out a little.